so past few days Ria was telling me there’s this bully at school who hits everyone and when people complain to the teacher he fake cries and says “they did it first” to wriggle out of punishment…. after a number of such incidents I had told her “fine next time he hits you hit him back real hard, make him puke”…. so today she comes back proudly and tells me “aaj zor se maara uske kaan par, gir gaya and rone laga phir chupp chaap baithaa din bhar”…. hmmm I’m scared now… behold the birth of “the Incredible Hulka”…. That’s a message I sent out to a bunch of cherished school friends of mine…. they came back with responses that more or less validated my approach…. and advised on giving her martial arts training as well….. here’s something that I felt adds to the discussion (kindof long…ish)
yeah martial arts is a good idea just that it’s like bandar ke haath mein ustaraa…. unmonitored they could end up doing major damage…. the way I see it a tough open mind, great physical conditioning and a no nonsense upbringing should ideally be sufficient… communication without gender overtures is very important in the formative years… when kids are taught gender differences (baba ke liye ben10 and baby ke liye barbie…. baba ka blue baby ka pink) at the initial stages itself it sets them up for a lifetime of being exploited or being the agressor… the very commonly used line “kya ladki ke jaise rota hai” is something that is so powerful in moulding the gender divide… we tend to believe these are traditional roles… well frankly screw tradition and religion if it teaches me to treat the female child differently… we are three brothers and as kids we had a lot of chores to do around the house which included in my case clearing and setting up the table for meals, shelling onions, grinding the masala (on the sil batta), working in the garden, pocha when the maid was awol and later cooking a meal and such like…. basically our mom did not believe in being a slave and certainly not in raising boys as a privileged lot…. maybe that’s where my keeda for gender equality took root…. I find it highly irritating when anyone tells me “girls are easier to bring up”…. I almost blurt out “#$#$%#@#$” and then check myself… children are as difficult or easy as you want it to be… gender has no role to play in their attitudes, warmth, attention deficit or aggression…. you do it to them with your own lousy belief that they need to be made aware of the differences from the get go… anyway digressing from the point…. guess bullies are on both sides of the gender divide and the best way to deal with any type of bully is to stand up to them…. involving the authorities (teacher in this case) is fine but then end of the day you need to figure out a weak point and hit them where it hurts… for some it’s physical pain for others maybe isolation and collective boycott because end of the day a bully is all about attention and fear…. take the fear out of the equation and you have a deflated balloon…. I guess one needs to tell the kid “don’t fear any bully report them to the teacher but if the teacher does not address the issue and if it gets out of hand don’t hold back… give it to them solid and sort it out there and then…. it might mean punishment from the teacher but in the long run the bully has been handled”…. of course to give it to them one needs to make sure that your own kid is well equipped to do the giving it to them…. which brings up back to jujitsu, taekwondo, muay thai, kick boxing, karate, judo etc….. yes and no… I again feel make them strong from the inside out… take them running/walking with your… make sure they do not learn to “hate” a particular vegetable or veggies in general (reminds me of this mom I gave a lift to once from school to home….. Ria kyaa khaa rahi hai? kaddu? baap re X to kabhi bhi kaddu nahin khaa saktaa!!! main bhi nahin…. had half a mind of saying haan tabhi X half the year hospital mein rehta hai but then I let it slide everyone is running their own battles why judge)…. give them basic strength training and then take it from there… boys as well as girls have the same strength if you treat them same… my girl runs 4K with me almost on a daily basis…. the little one does close to 2K already…. lots of boys can do that as well but then I guess the point is my girls can… that’s endurance/stamina/will/strength all rolled into one…. it will come into play at some time if required until then it’s just something we do to stay fit not in anticipation of violence… it prepares you for the long run…. as for bullies – stand up to them, look them in the eye and do not budge. More often than not bullies are over compensating for something by acting all strong/rich/over-patriotic/physical inadequacy …. maybe they have a dark secret they do not want out… when you stand up to them they recoil and do a rethink “do I run the risk of being exposed if I carry on?”…. stand up and give it right back in the same coin… they will back off almost immediately.